No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
