Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
