i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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