i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
