so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
