His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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