You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
