what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
