If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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