he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection