Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
should my penis look like a turkey
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.