I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
