he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
