My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
