next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
pray to the hookup gods
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
im on a boat
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