remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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