Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
