I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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