I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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