I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
