Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
