I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
