No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
