I can text with my tongue
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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