all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
