I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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