I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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