ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
