so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
