i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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