K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
