P.S. I can't hear my feet
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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