Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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