omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
