It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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