I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am mentally ready for anal.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize