Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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