dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
