Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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