there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
