Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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