That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
