Moan for me like Helen Keller
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just gift wrapped bread.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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