So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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