hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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