My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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