So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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