i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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