I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
