the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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