um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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