Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
