I can't watch pbs sober anymore
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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