so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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