is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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