Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
