Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry about my life...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
