Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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