I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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