my sisters under your porch take her home
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
