Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
