btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This baby is an asshole
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
