I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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