Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
