Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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