to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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