Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
