I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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