you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
