turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
