my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
