i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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