I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
