So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
